How to build a model volcano

Last year, for geography, I made and erupted a model volcano. I posted the result on youtube and to date it’s had over 60,000 views – not bad for a geography project! I’ve had lots of requests for instructions, so I’ve decided to explain once and for all how to make a volcano you can erupt in the back garden.

You will need:

• Polystyrene tray or something similar
• Pipe/tubing
• Pot
• A length of hose or piping
• Duct tape
• Newspaper
• Tape
• Papier mache (or oodles of PVA glue)

1. Cut a hole in the polystyrene tray so that you can fit your tubing through. I used a white plastic piece about 2″ in diameter that wais meant for plumbing. This will be the centre of your volcano.
2. Take your plastic pot (I used one that’s meant for washing liquid) and attatch it to the bottom of the tubing. Use the tape to secure the join so that it’s watertight. Doesn’t matter if it isn’t perfect.
3. Hack a hole in the side of the pot so that you can stick the hose in. Once again, use tape to secure the join.
4. Stick the tubing through the polystyrene tray and use more tape to secure. This join doesn’t have to be waterproof.
5. Take the newspaper and roll it into lots of long sections, then twist them. Wrap them round and round the tubing to build up the shape of your volcano, keeping them in place with tape. You can also make the newspaper into balls to get a different effect.
6. When you’ve made the shape you want, tear up more newspaper into strips and papier mache them onto the volcano. It works well if you put a whole sheet around the volcano first, to make it easier to attach the strips and also to get lots of nice ridges you can build on.
7. Leave to dry.
8. Paint! I can’t remember if I painted mine all one colour first or if I sponged all of it, but at some point I used a sponge to put the paint on to get a grassy effect.

And now, of course, you need to erupt it!

You will need:

• Bicarbonate of soda
• Vinegar
• Red food colouring

1. Dump some bicarbonate of soda in the bottom of your pot (you can drop it down the top of the volcano). I just guessed at the quantities: it doesn’t really matter. Just make sure there’s plenty.
2. Pour in some red food colouring to make the ‘lava’ red. If you prefer, you can use orange/blue/yellow/whatever. With no colouring, the ‘lava’ will be white.
3. Put the volcano wherever you want it to erupt, bearing in mind that this is best done outside!
4. Pour vinegar down the hose. It’ll take a few seconds for enough foam to build up but then the volcano will begin to erupt!
5. Keep pouring until it doesn’t seem to be having much of an effect (when the bicarb is gone, there won’t be any more foam) and then clear up the mess.

I have bad taste

No, seriously, I do.

Well, according to society I do, anyhow. I freely admit it: I am one of the hated and the shunned. I am a modern-day leper. I am not fit to associate with: I am untouchable. Yes, it’s true: I am a country and western fan.

I have never really understood what the big thing is about country and western being the absolute rock-bottom in terms of musical taste. I would stick 90s boyband type stuff at the top of the bad taste list, closely followed by anything with a video of scantily clad women writing around acting as if they’re really, really excited by a great big fat guy who they probably wouldn’t be seen dead with if they weren’t being paid for it. After that comes anything sampling something else (especially if they sample something good, like that awful Kid Rock song that absolutely murdered Werewolves of London), followed by every rap song ever recorded. Even if country & western was next, that’s still a pretty substantial amount below it.

I also have the misfortune of liking music made more than six months ago. In fact, I’ve taken it to extremes: I prefer music that was made some time ago. I know that sounds not too controversial, but you’d be surprised how many people think I’m completely mad: ‘I don’t like that music! It’s old!’ appears to be the resounding opinion of most of the country. Well, so what? Nothing wrong with it being old!

I have a feeling I could have made much more of this topic, but to be honest I don’t really have the energy or the inclination. I guess I’ll just settle for being bottom of the taste heap and leave it at that.

Boulogne

Due to a staggered start at the beginning of the year, our school has a couple of days left over at the end of the year. In the past, we’ve just wasted them watching films, like we do in most lessons at the end of the year, but last year some bright spark had the idea of making us have an ‘activities week’. Yeah, I wish we could always have a three-day week…anyway, we now get three days of wasting times watching themed films instead of just whatever the department has lying around.

This year, I was on the ‘taste of Europe’ activity, which sounds as if it should include cooking but doesn’t. Funny, that. Anyway, as part of our tasting of the continent, we got to visit the town of Boulogne on Tuesday. I did the trip before two years ago, but still, it was nice to go again.

The ferry there was pretty smooth (makes a nice change as most of the ferry crossings I’ve done are anything but), but unfortunately my friends all get terrible travel sickness.

Once we arrived in Boulogne, we looked around the town and bought souvenirs. The town centre is very picturesque; there’s only really once street with anything on. Here’s a picture:

I found a delightful little shop which sold prints of old French adverts. I found one of an absinthe advert:

We then had a tour of the down from a guide who spoke excellent English. Boulogne is a pretty historic place and there’s a fabulous chateau. There’s also a wonderful church. Boulogne is a place of pilgrimage for many Christians, especially Roman Catholics. Sometime in a very early century, a group of fishermen (Boulogne has a thriving fishing trade; it’s the largest fishing port in Europe) saw the Virgin Mary appear to them and tell them to go down to the sea. They did so, and found a wooden statue of her. They put the statue in their church. Since then, a far more impressive church has been built, partly modelled on St. Paul’s Cathedral in Rome and partly modelled on the basilica in the Vatican.

We were also fortunate enough to be able to go up the belfry, which gave us some fabulous views over the town, and to visit a cafe where they liked us so much that they gave us free crepes!

We also stopped at a shopping centre before getting the ferry back to Dover.

And now for the most important part of this post: the photos!

Catch-all

*blows away the dust*

Guess it’s been more than a while since I last posted! No particular reason for the delay; I’ve just let life get on top of me. Here’s a whistle-stop tour of my life since the beginning of the month:

• I’m officially off for the summer! No more early mornings until September 8th, thank God. Hooray for 46 days of doing absolutely nothing.
• And of course, being off for the summer means that I’m all done with history, music, drama, engineering, resistant materials, food tech, art and probably something else I’ve forgotten. Unfortunately, I have to wait another two years before I can drop maths, RE and PE. Oh well…
• I got my grade 7 recorder results. Two damn marks from a distinction! Better luck next time…
• I went to France for a day, which will have a blog post entirely of its own as soon as I can be bothered to write it.
• I went to see Mama Mia, which wasn’t that good but was bearable.
• I went ice skating and didn’t fall over. That means two times in a row I haven’t embarrassed myself.
• The weather has finally decided to act like July, instead of being gloomy and overcast peppered with showers, which is more the kind of thing we’d expect in April. Today, it is gloriously sunny – at last!
• I’ve started reading about a hundred books and not finished any of them. I’ve also made a database of every book I’ve read for almost the past two years, which will make for some interesting statistics when I get round to analysing the data.
• I’ve decided to kick my diet coke habit after drinking three cans in the space of half an hour without even realising it. I am now realising why people find it so hard to quit their addictions…I’ve just moved onto coffee instead. Eventually I’ll get there…doesn’t help that if I take water with me when I’m out, I always drink it and then need to buy something else. I refuse to buy water because I consider it ridiculous to pay good money for something you can get out of the tap for far less and I dislike most of the orange-flavoured sports drinks, so coke tends to be my only option…
• Life has continued.

Attention, please.

Attn. school inspectors: before you start asking questions about what we’re doing and what we do in class, it’s generally a good idea to observe a few social niceties first. Explaining who the hell you are is a good place to start.

Attn. English teachers: anyone who has not learned to use a comma by the age of 14 is a dead loss. Please, teach us something else!

Attn. librarians: when I say ‘do you have a copy of such-and-such a book’, it should be clear that what I really want is to know whether or not you have a copy of that book in your library. I don’t know how you hear ‘please direct me to the children’s section’ in that sentence, but hey, I guess you could mishear me. Still, I don’t think that makes up for the way you give me a dirty look every time I walk in and return a book, or the way you give me a lecture every time I take one out about making sure it’s back on time, or the way you frown at me if I’m standing in the adult section.

Attn. whoever organises those school enterprise event things: I do not care about trying to move an egg with three bits of string, a paperclip and a tin of pineapple rings, or about any of the other insane activities you have concocted. I don’t give a damn about building teamwork. Just pick up the damn egg already.

Attn. whoever organises school sports days: the world would be a better place if you just let us all take the day off.  Seriously.  Sports days probably have the highest truancy rate of all days in the school year anyway, and that’s probably because many people’s parents will let them stay home just because sports days are a waste of time.

Attn. teachers who set essays due in the following day: has it ever occured to you that we may have other things to do? Has it ever occured to you that other teachers may have set us essays for the following day? Has it ever occured to you that giving us a few extra days when you won’t mark it anyway might actually mean we’d do it?

Attn. people who enforce uniform regulations: if my tracksuit bottoms with pale pink stripes on the sides are unacceptable, then so must be my makeup, my decorative earrings and my nail polish. Given that you have yet to ask me to remove any of these things, I don’t see that my trousers really matter that much.

Attn. health and safety people: Health and safety is the reason people don’t jump off cliffs. Health and safety is not an excuse for controlling people to the extent that they are not allowed to do even the most menial tasks, such as walking down the corridor to the bathroom, by themselves. And if wearing a blunt plastic hairstick is dangerous, a pen is a terrorist weapon and a drawing of a gun needs to be removed by airport security, then God help us.

And finally, attn. anyone who thinks a French twist is an ‘extreme hairstyle’: what the hell are you on?